Missing
by HR always live on
Summary: Ruth and Harry have an argument at work and she doesn't turn up the next day. Is she just angry or is it something more serious? -There's more to it but I don't want to ruin the surprise!
1. Chapter 1

_I had a lovely first draft of this written but my computer ate it so I've had to rewrite it. I'm not entirely happy with it but thought I'd post it anyway. Enjoy._

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><p>"This is getting ridiculous!" Ruth shouted at Harry from across his office. The entire grid was watching them but she was past caring. "It is ridiculous that you want to keep me locked up in here instead of going out in the field when I am, very occasionally, needed."<p>

"Ruth, in spite of our… personal history, I am still the one in charge around here," Harry said, trying to reign in his temper. He was only trying to look after her and she had got the wrong impression again. "When I tell you to do something, I expect you to actually listen to me."

"Fine," she said bitterly after a moment of charged silence. Her eyes were burning into his and he could see she was furious. Ruth picked up her stack of files and debated whether it was immature to slam his office door or not as she was leaving. She eventually decided that was beneath her and left his office in a dignified manner, Harry sighing after her.

Ruth was determined to spend the rest of the day doing her job better than she ever had before so for once she didn't even notice when everyone left the grid and it was just her and Harry alone again. As soon as she _had_ noticed Ruth hurriedly turned her computer off and walked quickly towards the pods, not wanting to speak another word to Harry.

He didn't even bother to try and stop her. He just watched as she left the grid. Once he was alone he poured himself a whisky. A large whiskey. An upset Ruth was not a Ruth he liked to witness. Even less when it was his fault in the first place.

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><p>Ruth didn't go home. She walked along the embankment, watching the Thames flow by and thinking hard. She knew she shouldn't be this mad at Harry but she couldn't help it. It was almost like an automatic reaction whenever he argued with her, even on the most mundane things. Things that didn't even matter had she been talking about them with anyone else.<p>

As her thoughts ran she found herself leaning over the river. She glanced at her watch and was amazed to see it was one in the morning. She had been here for hours and she hadn't realised. Thinking it was probably wise to go home she spent a further five minutes staring at the river before turning around. That was when she felt a blinding pain on the back of her head. She didn't even have time to react to the pain before she became unconscious.

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><p>Harry sighed, staring at Ruth's empty desk. He knew she had been mad at him but for her not to even turn up for work was a new level of anger that he didn't think she was capable of. He looked at the clock and saw that it was five minutes past nine as he heard a knock on his office door. Well, the knock meant it wouldn't be Ruth at any rate.<p>

"Yes?" Beth came in chewing her lip and looking incredibly agitated. "What is it?"

"I know you and Ruth had an argument yesterday and its none of my business but she was really upset and wouldn't answer her phone when I called. And she isn't here this morning… I'm starting to get really worried."

"Are you sure she isn't just late?" Harry asked his heart rate increasing with the thought that she might be missing.

"When's the last time she was late? Never," Beth said anxiously. "I'm really worried Harry."

"Okay," he said taking her seriously. He picked up the phone to call Ruth's mobile number (which he knew by heart).

"She isn't picking up," Beth said. "I've already tried that. I'm not completely incompetent."

"Fine," Harry said without hanging up. He heard it go through to answer phone after a moment and slammed it down. "Get Dimitri and Tariq to work on finding her too. Track her phone, see if she's spent money on any of her cards, check face recognition on CCTV. Just find her."

"Yep," Beth said leaving his office to inform the others. Harry watched through a gap in his blinds as the activity on the grid increased. He spent about five minutes watching until he couldn't take it anymore. He left his office and went onto the grid, but not before stopping to call Ruth's mobile again. With no result.

"Well?" he asked his team, hating how empty they looked without Ruth. Or more accurately, how empty he felt without Ruth.

"Tariq is running the CCTV from last night and trying to follow her from when she left here," Dimitri said. "I've tracked her phone and its currently at this location. It's a flat in south London and I've already sent the plods around."

"Well, I'm not waiting for them to report back in their own time," Harry said turning for his coat. "Send directions to my phone," he added before leaving the grid. Tariq's eyes were not leaving his computer screen and after a minute or two he gasped.

"What is it?" Beth asked.

"Watch this," Tariq said rewinding the CCTV and letting it play. Dimitri and Beth watched over his shoulders as they saw Ruth leaning over and looking at the Thames.

"And?" Dimitri asked.

"Wait for it," Tariq said. They saw Ruth brush her hair out of her face and turn away from the river as two men wearing jeans and hoodies approached behind her. Beth winced as she saw one of them hit Ruth over the head with something that looked like a bat. She crumpled to the floor as they stole her bag and were rifling through it as they ran away.

"What happened after that?" Beth asked.

"She was there for a while before a passing stranger decided to call an ambulance for her," Tariq said hitting fast forward to the relevant footage.

"Someone must have seen her before though," Dimitri said.

"Several dozen people passed her," Tariq said. "No one bothered to do anything for two hours."

"So who's going to tell Harry?" Beth said.

"I'm busy looking around the hospitals for her," Tariq said quickly.

"I'll do it," Dimitri offered. "He probably won't explode," he added not sounding convinced.

"Good luck," Beth replied as she began to help Tariq phoning around the London hospitals.

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><p><em>More soon. Reviews make my day, even if you hate it its always nice to have feedback. xxx<em>


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for all the great reviews. Hope you like this installment_

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><p>Ruth woke up to find a bright light being shined in her eyes. She winced away from the light because it was painful to her sore head.<p>

"Can you hear me?" someone asked. She tried to turn her head away from the light but felt someone holding her face tightly just at the moment the light vanished.

"Can you hear me?" the voice repeated. Her eyes were coming into focus now and she saw a man in a white coat standing in front of her. After a few seconds she realised that she was lying in a hospital bed so this man must be a doctor.

"Yes I can hear you," she said quietly.

"Are you in any pain?"

"My head feels fuzzy," she replied. "I think everything else is fine."

"Okay," the doctor replied. "Can you tell me your name?"

"Er… No," she said suddenly. "I can't. I… I don't know. Oh my God, I don't know my own name!"

"What _can_ you remember?" the doctor asked. He had a sad look on his face that made her see how serious this was.

"Nothing," she said shocked. "Its black. There's… there isn't anything there."

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><p>"Her bag had been stolen by some low life thief," Harry said strolling back onto the grid. "Nothing more. I got out of there before I did something to him that would have landed me in a prison cell instead of him." Harry stared around as everyone looked at him.<p>

"What?" he asked in a menacing voice.

"We found something," Dimitri said. "Ruth… she's been attacked. She was hit over the head with something and left on the pavement."

"You're telling me she's been beaten up?" Harry asked.

"Well, being hit once doesn't really constitute beaten up," Dimitri said. Then let it drop after seeing the look on Harry's face. "We've been calling the hospitals to try and find her."

"Good," Harry said. "How long?"

"What?" Dimitri asked confused.

"How long before she got taken to a hospital?" Harry asked.

"Two hours," Dimitri replied, knowing this was not going to go well. He wasn't disappointed.

"Two hours!" Harry shouted. He continued ranting but no one was listening.

"I have a lead," Tariq said quietly but Harry still heard him. "St Joseph's hospital had a woman admitted early this morning. Unknown name, brunette, approximate age late thirties and suffering from a serious head injury."

"I'm on my way," Harry told them. As he was leaving his phone rang. He saw it was the Home Secretary. He answered it and then immediately hung up, not needing any interruptions on the way to the hospital.

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><p>She had been poked and prodded by so many doctors she wondered if she was still a human or had morphed into a laboratory rat as well as losing her memory. A unrecognisable female doctor came in. She had a friendly smile and red chin length curly hair.<p>

"Hi, I'm Christine Ward," she said. "How are you feeling?"

"Like you want to tell me something," Ruth replied shrewdly. Just because her memory had vanished did not mean her IQ had been cut in half.

"We have someone who's turned up to claim you," Christine said. "If its too soon for you or you don't want to see anyone…"

"No," Ruth replied. "I can't remember anything about my life, even my own name. I don't know where I live, or what I do for a living. I don't know if I'm married or divorced. I don't even know if I have children. What can it hurt meeting someone who might, just might know me?"

"Okay," Christine said. "Don't panic if you don't recognise him. You probably won't. It is normal for patients in this situation not to remember people who were important to them before their memory loss."

"Fine," she said not really expecting anything to happen when she met this mystery guest. She didn't have that much optimism and wondered if that was a result of the bang on her head or whether she was like that normally.

"He'll be in here in a minute or two," Christine said leaving her alone for a few precious moments.

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><p>"Just let me see her," Harry said, sick of arguing with a doctor who looked so happy that she should be on top of a Christmas tree. A doctor who was proving to be a surprisingly difficult challenge to talk around.<p>

"Okay," the redhead said. "But I have to tell you she has suffered major damage to her head and her brain."

"And?" Harry asked waiting for the other shoe to drop. He knew from the look on her face that there was something she wasn't saying.

"Physically she's fine," the doctor continued. "However she doesn't remember anything about her life. Nothing. Its all gone. She's suffering from severe amnesia. Because of this she has been hard to identify which is the main reason we're allowing you to see her."

"So nothing?" Harry asked. "She doesn't remember anything? Not even her own name?"

"No," Christine said. "So please be prepared for her reaction because she probably won't recognise you."

"Okay," Harry said slowly, trying to absorb this information. The doctor moved and opened the door, allowing Harry to go in. It was Ruth. She was sitting up in bed and looked perfectly fine except for a small dressing on her head.

"Thank God you're alright," he said instantly, approaching her bedside.

"Hi," Ruth said blankly. She had absolutely no idea who this strange man was but he seemed to know her.

"You don't know who I am do you?" Harry said lowly feeling disappointment run through him.

"Sorry," she said with a shrug. "If its any consolation I don't know who I am either so its nothing personal."

"I know," Harry said. He reached for her hand carefully and squeezed it reassuringly.

"Clearly you recognise me," she said. "Do you want to tell me anything? Like my name for a start?"

"Your name is Ruth Evershed," Harry said quietly. He watched her face carefully, waiting for a flicker of recognition that never came.

"Okay," she said quietly. "And… you?"

"Harry Pearce," he said feeling his heart break as she clearly didn't recognise him.

"And how do I know you?" Ruth asked. "Am I… are we married or are we together? I mean, how did we meet?"

"No, you're not married and we're not together," Harry said feeling a stab of pain go through him at the possibilities of things that could have been. "We work together," Harry said. "We met about eight years ago."

"Working at what?" Ruth asked confused. "What do we do?"

Harry sighed, wondering how he could explain the inner workings of section D to someone who had no memory. This was going to be a long conversation.

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><p><em>I have a lot of work over the weekend so the next update will be on Monday at the earliest. Hope you enjoyed it, xxx.<em>


	3. Chapter 3

_So I lied and am updating earlier than I said I would. Hope you enjoy._

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><p>"This is just so unbelievable," Ruth said quietly.<p>

"I can't imagine how hard this is for you to get your head around," Harry said quietly. He had explained as briefly as possible about her exile to Cyprus which had been very painful for him to bring up. He had also mentioned George in passing but as Ruth clearly had no idea who he was, he managed to get through that without giving too much away in his voice.

Harry had not mentioned anything about their very confusing non relationship. But even though her memory had gone, she was still as sharp as she ever had been.

"There's something you're not telling me," she said after silence fell. She was studying his face and knew with certainty that she was right.

"We have a very… complicated working relationship," he said slowly, considering every word before it was said so he wouldn't regret anything. "It's hard to put into words and I'm not even going to try. Not when you're busy taking in everything else."

"Okay," Ruth said quietly. She could see the stern set of his face and already knew enough to know that arguing wasn't going to get her anywhere. Not with him. Suddenly his mobile phone rang and Harry released her hand and answered it. Ruth felt a small loss which she couldn't explain, even to herself as her hand felt bare.

"I have to go," he said turning to her as he put his phone in his pocket.

"Okay," Ruth said trying to hide her disappointment as the one person who seemed to know her was going to disappear. "I want to ask something before you go though." Harry nodded and waited for her to continue. She took a moment and looked into his dark eyes, wanting to see his reaction. "How do I know I can trust you?"

"I guess you don't," he said feeling empty. He had never realised just how much he took their history for granted. He always assumed she would trust him implicitly, especially after everything they had been through. Exactly the same way he trusted her. Always. But if she didn't remember, then the trust that they had shared was no longer there.

"I do trust you," she said bringing him out of his thoughts. "I just had to ask to see your reaction." It was true. His eyes had been full of sadness when she had asked and nothing could have convinced her like that look on his face. "Please come back and see me." she added. "You're the only person I know."

"Of course I will," he said. He smiled once more before leaving her hospital room. Ruth watched the door for long minutes until Christine Ward came in.

"So, he tells me your name is Ruth Evershed," Christine said.

"Apparently."

"Nothing came back when you saw him? Not even a flicker?" Christine asked.

"No," Ruth said. "Nothing. When can I get out of here?" she added. She hated the hospital atmosphere and every doctor looking at her with a sad or expectant look on their face.

"Not yet," Christine said. "For one thing you don't even know where you live and you need someone to look after you before you're released."

"Fantastic," she said sarcastically.

"Our amnesia expert wants to talk to you as well about what you can expect with developments on your condition," Christine said.

"So my memory may come back?" Ruth said hopefully.

"Possibly," Christine said. "He'll fill you in with more information when he gets here. It's not my area of expertise."

"Yeah," Ruth said sighing. "So I know my name and the fact I'm not married and that's about it."

"We pulled up your medical records once your friend identified you," Christine said. "Nothing very interesting or unusual. You've had several brief hospital stays but the worst of them seems to be a few grazes that required a couple of stitches and treatment for shock, nothing more. Your blood type is A and date of birth is the 29th April 1970 and that's about it. Sorry if that's all boring."

"Its more information than I already have," Ruth said. Her curiosity overcame her and she asked a question that had been irritating her. "Do I have any children? Any record of anything like that?"

"No," Christine said, smiling sadly at her. "You have never been in hospital for childbirth."

"Okay," Ruth said, feeling disappointed with no rational reason for it. "So the total of my life consists of a friend from work being the only person who knows or cares that my memory's vanished. Great."

"Sorry," Christine said. The door opened and a doctor with greying hair walked in.

"I'm doctor Jones," he said as Christine left the room. "I'm an expert in cases of amnesia. I wanted to talk to you about your memory before we release you."

"So you are going to let me out into the world again?" Ruth asked with relief.

"Soon," he replied. "When you're back in your normal routine things might start to come back to you briefly. It might be just a second of a flash of something you think you recognise. However, on the other hand nothing might be forthcoming. That's okay, its perfectly normal for amnesia patients so don't worry or panic."

"I have no memory of the last forty years of my life," Ruth said. "And you're telling me not to panic or worry if nothing comes to me? That's reassuring!"

"Probably, within the next few months at least a proportion of your memory will come back. But you may never recover everything," the doctor said in a matter of fact tone that Ruth thought was insensitive.

"Is there anything I can do to help?" Ruth asked. "Anything that might speed up the process of getting my memory back?"

"Not really," the doctor replied. "Go about your routine as normal, talk to people who were in your life before the accident is the best thing I can advise to you."

"And how do I know my normal routine?" Ruth asked accurately.

"Talk to people in your life," he repeated. "It really is the best advice I can offer. And it might even work."

"Mm," Ruth replied unconvinced.

"Have you got someone to help you?"

"I think so," Ruth said thinking about Harry. "Maybe. I'm not sure."

"You have to have someone to look after you before I can sign your release papers. Hospital policy with amnesia patients. Also if you feel like your memory's coming back you really should come back for a check up."

"Yes," Ruth agreed. She closed her eyes as the doctor carried on speaking and she stopped listening.

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><p><em>I'd love a review if you have the time. xxx More soon<em>


	4. Chapter 4

_Just a short update. More soon._

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><p>It was late in the evening. Harry had got caught up at work and hadn't been able to go back and visit Ruth. But he wasn't going to wait any longer. Terrorist atrocities had been averted for the day and he barged through the hospital, after sweet talking the receptionist into allowing him to see Ruth after visiting hours. He opened her hospital door and was glad to see that she was awake.<p>

"You came back then?" Ruth said. He could tell she was relieved and that a part of her had thought he wouldn't show up.

"Of course I did," Harry said sitting next to her.

"Can you talk to someone to make them let me get out of here?" Ruth asked. "I am going crazy staring at these four walls. If I have to start my memories again I'd prefer to get out of this building at some point. They don't think my memory will come back in the near future so I need to get out of here."

"I'll do that for you," he said in a quiet voice.

"Thank you," she said sincerely.

"So, no memory coming back then?" Harry asked trying to hide his disappointment.

"No," she said shaking her head. He could see how frustrated she was by her lack of history and moved to hold her hand softly. He couldn't help himself and hoped she didn't mind.

"I promise that I will get you out of here tomorrow," Harry said. "As long as that's what you want."

"God yes," she said relieved. "Thank you Harry."

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><p>That night Harry didn't sleep. All he could think of was Ruth. Ruth in hospital, her memory completely gone. There was a chance she would never ever get any of it back and he couldn't imagine how he would be able to cope if she didn't remember anything. What would he do? The last words he had spoken to her before her memory disappeared were in the heat of the moment, in an argument. That thought was one that tormented him. One that kept sleep far from him.<p>

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><p><em>Thanks for all the great reviews. Sorry this chapter is so short. The next one will be much longer, I promise. xxx<em>


	5. Chapter 5

_A longer chapter as promised. Enjoy._

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><p>"Yes I know, any flashes of memory and I'll come straight back here so you can do more tests on me and etcetera," Ruth said to the doctor, picking up a bag of her things that Harry had dropped off for her that morning. Harry watched her and couldn't stop himself from smiling at her clear irritation. Underneath it all, she was still… Ruth.<p>

"Okay, if you just sign your release forms," the doctor said handing her over a clipboard. Harry watched her signature curiously. He was surprised and pleased to see it was exactly the same as before, if done a little slower than her normal habit.

"I can leave?" she asked biting her lip.

"You can," the doctor said looking unconvinced.

"Thank you," Ruth said quickly and left her hospital room, Harry right next to her. Ruth kept her mouth shut as they walked briskly out of the hospital. She didn't speak until fresh air hit her face. She closed her eyes, letting the sunlight warm her for a second.

"Thank God I am out of there," she said.

"Hospitals aren't your favourite place then?" Harry asked leading the way to his car.

"Not when it's the only place I can remember," Ruth said.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't think."

"That's okay," she said getting into the passenger seat. A silence fell as Harry began driving. Ruth was concentrating on the passing buildings, hoping something would ring a bell, would bring a memory back. Or just a flash. But nothing happened. She kept alert until he parked outside a building which she assumed was her house. She sighed with frustration as nothing came back to her.

"Don't worry," Harry said, reaching for her arm and sensing her annoyance. "You can't expect everything to come back at once."

"I don't," she said. "But something would be nice. Have you any idea how frustrating this is?"

"I have an idea," he said, his words laced with a meaning she didn't understand. He let his hand drop from her arm regretfully as she moved out of the car. Harry had a key for her house and (choosing not to tell her how he had managed to get a copy a couple of years ago) unlocked the door. Ruth walked through her house carefully, looking at everything she owned. She stopped at the bookcase and picked several books off of the shelf while Harry watched her, feeling unaccountably sad that she couldn't remember.

Twenty minutes later Ruth was still absorbed in her books and Harry had sat down on her sofa, still watching her.

"So apparently I speak Spanish, French, Arabic, Greek, Russian and Chinese. Did I ever have any free time?" Ruth said.

"Not all Chinese languages," Harry said. "Mandarin and Wu. You can understand Latin too," Harry added with a sad smile. "Can you still read them?"

"Yes," she said flicking through the pages. "It's easy. No trouble at all."

"Only you would say reading Arabic and Greek was easy," Harry said allowing himself to smile.

"Mm," she said snapping her current book shut and putting it on the shelf. Harry wondered if now would be the best time to bring up something the doctors had told him. Figuring it wouldn't hurt he began speaking once Ruth had been quiet for several minutes.

"Ruth, one of the conditions the hospital required was that someone needs to stay with you, just until you get back on your feet."

"Oh," Ruth replied, not entirely surprised.

"I knew you wanted to get out of there so I just told them that I would look after you for the time being. But if you don't want me here or I start making you uncomfortable I don't have to stay here with you."

"You're rambling," she said cutting him off. "You don't have to stay here with me. Not if you don't want to. I'm sure I'll manage once I find where the food is kept and other little things like that."

"I'm not offering because I have to," Harry said quietly, his hazel eyes sparkling. "I'm offering because I want to. I want to help you."

"If you're sure?" she said looking anxious.

"Yes," he said quietly. "I think you need someone to look after you."

"I'm not incapable," Ruth said in her usual argumentative tone. "Don't suggest I am." Harry could tell she was gearing up for a fight when her doorbell rang.

"Thank God," Harry muttered leaving her to answer it. He opened the door and saw Beth there, holding a large bouquet of expensive looking flowers.

"Hi Harry," she said as he let her in. "How is she?"

"She's still Ruth but no change on the memory front," Harry said sadly. Beth nodded and found Ruth in the kitchen making tea. Ruth turned around and looked at the blonde stranger curiously.

"I'm supposed to recognise you aren't I?" Ruth asked as Beth glanced at Harry nervously.

"Yes," Beth replied handing over the flowers to Ruth. "I'm Beth, I work with you at Thames House."

"Oh, okay," Ruth said, sniffing her beautiful bouquet. "Any idea where I keep the vases?" Beth smiled and opened a kitchen cupboard to the left.

"I used to live here with you," Beth said by way of explanation as she put water in the vase. Ruth nodded and arranged the flowers very carefully. Beth looked at Harry with a raised eyebrow at the typical Ruth-like behaviour.

"What?" Ruth asked, confused at the silence.

"Nothing," Beth said. "How are you feeling?"

"Blank," Ruth replied simply. "Physically I'm fine, but I am frustrated by my lack of memory. I hate not knowing anything!" she added forcefully.

Beth glanced between Harry and Ruth and was surprised by the familiar feeling that she was intruding on something private. She felt like this all the time on the grid when she walked in on a clearly private conversation between Harry and Ruth. Beth hadn't expected to feel the same sense of intrusion when all of Ruth's history had been erased from her brain.

"I am going to go," Beth said simply. "Hopefully the grid hasn't exploded with Harry's absence. I'm sure Dimitri's let the power go to his head and needs someone to bring him back down to earth."

"Sure," Harry said, not exactly disappointed to see Beth go. He liked having Ruth to himself more than he would ever admit to. Ruth was surprised when Beth gave her a quick hug before leaving her house.

"So that's Beth," Ruth said sitting down at her kitchen table.

"Yes," Harry said sitting opposite her. "I meant what I said. I want to stay with you. As long as you're okay with that."

"I don't want to turn your life upside down," Ruth said sincerely. Harry wondered how he could explain that she turned his life upside down everyday simply from her existence. He decided not to try.

"Its no trouble. Honestly," he settled on saying.

"Okay then," Ruth said after a moment of thought. "If you're sure?"

"Yes," Harry said quickly.

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><p><em>A review would make my day. xxx<em>


	6. Chapter 6

_New update here. Hope you enjoy_

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><p>Ruth was lying in bed, trying to go to sleep which was proving difficult. As she had no memories to cling to, the only experiences she could think of were those that had happened over the past few days. With the result that her brain was full of thoughts of Harry. There was something going on between the two of them before her memory had gone. She could tell that much. It was irritating her that she couldn't remember their history.<p>

Another thing that was driving her crazy was that she knew he was sleeping down the hall in her spare room. She had argued with him again after he came back from his house to pick up some of his things. Ruth had argued about the fact he couldn't stop his life for her but her heart hadn't been in it and she'd given up pretty quickly. As soon as his brown eyes had made it completely clear that he wasn't going to give in. His beautiful hazel eyes which she couldn't tear her eyes off of. Yes, she had noticed how hypnotising they were.

Ruth turned over in bed and punched her pillow hard, trying to take out some of her anger. It didn't work. It took a long time for sleep to take her.

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><p>Harry woke up suddenly. It took a moment for him to remember where he was and another moment for him to realise what had woken him. Ruth was screaming. Hurriedly getting out of bed he opened her bedroom door and was relieved to find Ruth screaming in her sleep, rather than anything more sinister.<p>

"No," Ruth said loudly. "Stop it. Please! Leave me alone!" As she was screaming she was thrashing around in bed and he could see she was having a bad nightmare.

"Ruth, calm down," he said quietly. It had absolutely no effect on her. "Hey, come on," he said sitting down on the bed next to her restless figure. "You're just having a bad dream," he added curving a hand around her face. As soon as he touched her she stopped moving. She was still muttering under her breath though and nothing Harry said seemed to get through to her. After a minute he stroked a hand through her messy and tangled hair, wondering why it had taken a bang on the head for him to touch her like this. So simple and yet so meaningful, at least to him. With his hand touching her softly her muttering eventually faded away.

"Oh Ruth," he murmured sadly. "Come back to me. Please come back to me. I need you to remember who I am. So much." His heart raced when she moved closer to him in her sleep. Harry's self restraint was cracking while watching her sleeping form. He couldn't resist planting a gentle kiss on her cheek.

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><p>Ruth woke up staring at the ceiling and she waited for a minute. Her memory was still gone. Nothing there except a big black hole. She sighed with disappointment and rolled over. She was shocked to find that she wasn't in bed alone. Harry was asleep next to her. Wondering what on earth had happened, she entertained the possibility that her short term memory was vanishing as well. Then discounted that quickly as she could remember yesterday's events just fine.<p>

Deciding to figure out what happened later she concentrated on his sleeping face while she had the chance. She had a feeling that chances like this didn't come around that often for her, though she couldn't explain the reasoning behind it. Surprising herself was the need she felt to touch him. Her fingertips badly wanted to trace his face but she refrained. Which she considered was a good thing as his eyes suddenly opened.

Harry was lost in his imagination for a moment. Imagining all the times he had dreamt of waking up next to her just like this. Then he remembered that this was the reality and he had some explaining to do.

"Ruth, its not what you're thinking," he said quickly sitting up. "You were screaming in your sleep. Whenever I left you alone you started up again so in the end I didn't bother leaving. I hope that was okay."

"What was I saying?" Ruth asked curiously.

"A lot of nonsense," Harry replied. "It didn't make a lot of sense. Are you upset with me?"

"No," Ruth said honestly. "I'm sorry I woke you though."

"Its okay," Harry said. "You've been through enough." An uncomfortable silence fell between them. Ruth was the first to break it.

"What time do you have to be at work?"

"Soon."

"Can I come in?" Ruth asked, guessing that Harry was going to stubborn. "I can't mope around the house all day doing nothing. If nothing else, being somewhere familiar might help my drain of a memory."

"You know that's a long shot," Harry said sadly.

"But its better than nothing," Ruth replied.

"Fine," he said, not really wanting to argue against spending time with her. "But take it easy."

"Agreed," she said, getting out of bed. Harry tried very hard not to watch her as she opened her wardrobe. Deciding it was time to leave, he quickly left her bed and retreated to the spare room. He closed the door and leant against it breathing heavily. This was incredibly hard for him, harder than he had thought it would be. He couldn't stop remembering the feel of her bare legs touching his as she had turned over in her sleep. He couldn't stop picturing her face relaxed in sleep and inching closer to him as she eventually stopped muttering to herself.

He had decided that getting into bed with her last night had been an incredibly bad idea. Sharing such an intimate space with the woman he loved had been an enticing thought at the time but had rapidly crossed the line into torture, being next to her when all he wanted was to hold her and kiss her. And so much more. He took a steadying breath and got ready for work.

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><p><em>A review please?<em>


	7. Chapter 7

_Thanks for all the great reviews, hope this reaches your expectations too!_

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><p>Ruth walked into the pods waiting for a flash of recognition. Harry was watching her, she knew that but she wouldn't meet his eyes. Ruth saw Beth walking towards her and smiled at the vaguely familiar face.<p>

"You're back?" Beth asked.

"I intend to reread all the files that involve me to see if anything will help my memory," Ruth said as Harry walked to his office, leaving her side for the first time in days.

"Not a bad idea," Beth said walking with Ruth to her desk. "As long as no ones trying to blow us up today."

"Sure," Ruth said sitting down and closing her eyes. When she opened them she was surprised to see two unfamiliar men in front of her.

"I'm Dimitri," the taller one said.

"Tariq," the other one added. "So you don't remember us?"

"Hi," Ruth said with a sad smile, knowing she was meant to recognise them both. "No, sorry. Do I like either of you two?"

They both laughed at her kindly. "Yes, we're your knights in shining armour," Dimitri said sarcastically. Ruth rolled her eyes and they settled on Harry for a moment. She shook herself mentally and turned back to her co-workers.

"Well, if you don't mind I have some reading to do," she said opening the top file on her massive pile resting on her desk.

"Fine," Dimitri and Tariq said at the same time as they all left her to it.

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><p>Harry had spent a great deal of his day looking through his office window at Ruth. He felt a little empty watching her, because her gaze only flicked back at him very occasionally. And when it did, it wasn't filled with meaning or longing as it had been only a week ago. There was a knock on his door at the end of the day and Beth came in.<p>

"How is she?" Harry asked, knowing that Ruth was who Beth wanted to talk about.

"She's Ruth," Beth said simply. "There's no other way to explain it." Silence spread out and Harry wondered if he should mention what had been on his mind throughout the day.

"Beth…" Harry started and then tailed off.

"What is it?" she asked, encouraging her to continue.

"What do I do if she never remembers?" Harry asked. He didn't want to talk about his emotions but he was going crazy holding it all in. "What do I do if she never realises or remembers how much I care for her? If all of our history is permanently erased. Beth, what do I do? What can I do to help her?"

"All you can do is be there for her Harry," Beth said quietly. "There's nothing else to do."

"Every hour that goes past, I want her to remember something. And every hour that she doesn't, I panic that her life will always be like this. And that… That terrifies me."

"Even if she never gets her memory back, her personality's still the same," Beth said. "So even if you have to live with the worst case scenario, she's still Ruth."

"But…" Harry couldn't go on but he knew what he wanted to say. But she isn't in love with me anymore. Her feelings which he knew she had had before the bang on her head. Even if she had never said it, he knew. For that to be gone… It was heartbreaking.

"I think you should take her home. She's had enough for one day," Beth said bringing him out of his thoughts.

"Yes," he agreed. "You're right."

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><p>Harry and Ruth were sitting on her sofa, drinking tea in the quiet.<p>

"I was reading some files today," Ruth said.

"I noticed."

"I was looking at Ros Myers file and I got a flash of something," Ruth said. "I'm not sure if its my imagination or if its actually a memory so I thought I'd talk to you."

"What do you remember?" Harry asked in a voice that was forcibly calm.

"Its just an image," she said. "I can't remember any words or anything which makes me think I might be suffering from an overactive imagination."

"Tell me," he said in a voice that didn't take any arguments.

"Her funeral," Ruth said calmly. "We're in a beautiful churchyard and it's a lovely day. We're dressed in black and standing in front of a wooden fence. That's it. That's all I remember."

"That's a memory," Harry said in a husky voice filled with emotion. "Absolutely one hundred percent."

"So you know what I'm talking about?" Ruth said excitedly. "That's a memory? Definitely?"

"Yes," Harry said knowing he was going to have to explain what happened next.

"So why do I remember that?" Ruth asked. "It seems so… strange for that to be the first thing I remember about my life."

"Something happened then," Harry said quietly, looking at his hands. He couldn't have looked at Ruth then if his life had depended on it. "That was when I proposed to you," he said slowly. "And you said no."

"But I thought… you told me we weren't together," Ruth said quietly and confused.

"Which I'm guessing is why you said no," Harry replied quickly, trying to make the pain go away.

"But… why would you propose to me at a funeral?" Ruth asked, incredibly irritated that she couldn't remember anything.

"Because I was an idiot," Harry said finally raising his glance to hers. "It was stupid and out of the blue and if I'm being honest, I don't blame you for saying no."

"Were we in a relationship at the time?" Ruth asked, wondering why on earth he would propose if they hadn't been.

"No," Harry replied honestly. "But there's always been… something between us. Always. It is impossible to put it into words, Ruth. It just is."

"Okay," Ruth said feeling the subject closing with the look in his eyes. "But I remembered something," she added.

"Yes," Harry said with a forced smile, trying to let go of the painful memory. "You remembered something." Ruth looked into his face and saw the pain there and wondered if she should feel guilty. She wondered if she was the cause of it. Making a snap decision she reached for him and squeezed his hand gently.

"I'm sorry if I hurt you," she said, as quiet as a whisper.

"You don't need to apologise," he murmured, kissing the back of her hand lightly. "You really don't."

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><p><em>I intend to update tomorow but my writing speed has slowed down so it might be a bit later. Review if you have the time please!<em>


	8. Chapter 8

_Thanks for the wonderful reviews everyone!_

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><p>"No," Ruth said, pouring milk into her morning coffee.<p>

"Ruth, you know what the doctor said if you started to remember anything," Harry started, knowing that her stubborn streak was emerging again.

"No," she repeated firmly, kicking the fridge door shut with annoyance. "Almost all of my current memories involve that damn hospital. I am not going back just to wait hours while they perform pointless tests on me then have them tell me that I'll have to wait it out. I mean it Harry."

"Okay," he replied not wanting to argue with her. Not this early in the morning at any rate. She turned around and sipped her coffee, surprised to find Harry closer to her than she had imagined, his eyes burning into hers. Ruth didn't realise he was leaning closer to her until his mobile rang, making them both jump. She took a steadying breath as Harry spoke to someone on the other end of the phone. Making sure her heart rate was calming down, she faced Harry as he put his phone in his pocket.

"We have to go into Thames House," he said in a husky voice. They both knew what had nearly happened between the two of them. Ruth closed her eyes as something suddenly hit her brain. She was standing in her kitchen but it was a different kitchen. Harry was walking around, making tea for her while she blathered on about something which her brain couldn't quite grasp. In her memory his phone rang and she had to force herself not to look at him. One word seemed to swim to the front of her head. Cotterdam.

"Ruth?" Harry asked bringing her back to the present. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," she said shaking her head slightly to clear the memory. And she knew that was a memory, not her imagination. Because she had read the Cotterdam files yesterday with intense curiosity. But she had no idea how Harry making tea in her kitchen related to the torture scandal she had read about. Filing that away for future reference she followed Harry's lead and left her house.

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><p>They had managed to catch several Indonesian suicide bombers that morning. Even memory-less, Ruth's research was still infallible and Harry knew that they wouldn't have been able to catch them without her. Everyone was out having lunch while they could take a few minutes to breathe. However, Ruth stayed at her desk, replaying the two memories she had managed to get back, both of which involved Harry. She screwed her eyes tightly shut with her face in her hands. She had managed to get some words back to the memory when Harry had proposed to her. He had leant towards her and whispered into her ear, Marry me Ruth. She hadn't looked at him and told him that the funeral had made him emotional.<p>

"No. Its made me see clearly." Everything else faded away until she remembered her own response.

"I can't Harry." Ruth tried desperately to remember what else had been said but she couldn't. Her face screwed up with concentration she didn't hear someone approach the back of her chair. She felt someone touch her shoulder and spun around alarmed, sending Beth's mug which had been perched precariously on her desk crashing to the floor.

"Sorry," Harry said, not expecting her to react like that. "I didn't mean to startle you."

"That's okay," she said. "I was deep in thought, that's all."

"So I saw," Harry said. "Anything else coming back to you?"

"No," she lied easily. "Not yet." She didn't want to raise his hopes. Not until she had enough of her memory back to know what to do with it. "Um, did you need anything?" Ruth asked trying to bring the conversation to something relatively normal.

"No," Harry said looking into her eyes for a long moment. He couldn't tear his eyes off of her. After a second he couldn't resist any longer. He leant towards her and kissed her lips softly. After a moment of surprise she responded to him. Several seconds later she drew away from him with a confused look on her face.

"I'm sorry," Harry said quickly.

"No," Ruth said cutting his apology off. "I… um… Just had a flashback." Harry grabbed a chair and sat in front of her staring at her intently, waiting for her to explain. "We're on a dock, somewhere," she started. "It's a cold cloudy windy morning and we're saying goodbye for some reason when you kiss me."

"That was when you went into exile for three years," Harry said with a lump in his throat. "I thought I'd never see you again."

"Oh," Ruth said, sensing that this was a painful subject for him. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," Harry said holding her hand gently. "Your memory is starting to come back. That's the important thing."

"Mm," Ruth agreed, silently enjoying the warmth of his hand on hers. She felt irritated when they both heard the pods whirr open and Harry dropped her hand quickly. Soon the grid was buzzing and everyone had gone back to work.

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><p><em>Definitely have an update by tomorrow morning. Review if you have the time. Please?<em>


	9. Chapter 9

_Thanks for the great reviews. There's only a few chapters left to go and I've written them, they just need a final polish._

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><p>Ruth was sitting in the passenger seat as Harry drove them home. It was an incredibly uncomfortable silence after what had happened on the grid that day. He glanced at her briefly and saw that she was frowning.<p>

"Are you alright?" he asked worried.

"Yes, I just have a headache," she said lightly. "I'm fine."

"Do you think you should go and see the doctor?" Harry asked, perfectly aware that she would say no. Sure enough, he wasn't disappointed.

"No, I'm fine," Ruth repeated. Eventually Harry broke the silence that had spread out again between them.

"Maybe I should leave you alone," Harry said, grateful that he had to concentrate on the road instead of her face which he didn't want to look at right now. "Maybe you'd prefer it if I went back home." There was a hint of a question and Ruth felt her heart sink.

"If you want to go back to your life…" Ruth started.

"I don't want to," Harry replied quickly. "I thought you might feel uncomfortable with me in your house. That's all."

"I want you to stay with me for as long as you want to," she said trying to keep things simple.

"Okay then," he said feeling relieved. He loved spending time with her outside of work, even if they weren't in the relationship he'd spent years dreaming of.

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><p>Ruth was curled up on the sofa reading a Greek book, one which Harry couldn't even translate the title of. Harry had told Ruth he wanted to watch the television but in fact was spending his time watching her instead. She was so absorbed in her book that she hadn't noticed his attention solely on her. She fidgeted a little as she turned the page and Harry smiled as he saw her blue eyes flick quickly over the text.<p>

As the evening passed by he kept watching her, unable to stop looking at her. This resulted in him watching as her eyes slowly flickered shut and she fell asleep quietly, the book falling open on her chest. He took a long moment before he woke her gently.

"Ruth," he said quietly, touching her shoulder.

"Mm?" she said sleepily with her eyes still closed.

"I think you should go to bed," Harry said calmly.

"Okay," she said, getting up from the sofa with Harry's help. He could tell she must be really tired if she wasn't even going to argue with him. Once she was in bed and asleep Harry stroked a hand through her hair. Just because.

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><p>The next morning Harry woke up, surprised not to be able to hear Ruth already up. She usually woke up first. Curious, Harry knocked on her bedroom door. Hearing no answer he pushed the door open and saw her still asleep. He smiled and sat on the edge of her bed watching her. That was when he realised something wasn't quite right.<p>

"Ruth?" he said shaking her shoulder lightly. Then he touched her shoulder again. She was cold. Really cold.

"Ruth!" he repeated louder, shaking her to try and make her wake up. He wasn't successful. "Come on wake up!" He stopped moving her and tried to take her pulse, which was hard when he was shaking badly himself. It was there. It was slow and it wasn't all that steady but it was there. Waiting no longer he left her for the few seconds it took to grab a phone and called an ambulance. When he was convinced one was on its way he took Ruth's hand in his. She was far too cold and he hated it. He tried to see if she was breathing but he was shaking too badly to be able to tell.

"Wake up," he begged her quietly. "Please wake up."

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><p>In the back of the ambulance Ruth was hooked up to a lot of frightening looking machines and Harry was holding tightly to her hand.<p>

"What happened?" Harry asked as the paramedics made sure she was breathing on her own. "She was fine last night. She was…" Harry shook his head sadly at Ruth who hadn't moved at all. "Actually she did mention that she had a headache last night. I should have insisted she go to the doctors. I should have… What do you thinks wrong with her?"

"At first glance it looks like its some kind of brain malfunction," the paramedic said.

"Brain damage?" Harry asked feeling his world crumble.

"Possibly," the paramedic said. "Has she recently had any head trauma?"

"Yes," Harry said quickly. "She was hit on the head about a week ago and has been suffering from amnesia. Is that…? Does that mean its bad?" The silence from the paramedics was damning.

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><p><em>I'm busy working over the next few days but I'll try to post the next chapter soon. I'd love a review if you have time!<br>_


	10. Chapter 10

Harry had been pacing the waiting room for hours, waiting for someone to tell him anything. Well, anything good. He didn't want to hear anything bad, or worse, fatal. Eventually a doctor came up to him.

"How is she?" he asked before the doctor could say anything at all.

"She's fine," the doctor said simply.

"Then what the hell happened?" Harry asked frustrated.

"This is a result of the blow on the head she suffered last week," the doctor continued. "She had a small seizure which is why you couldn't wake her up this morning. It's nothing too serious. We've done some tests and an MRI and there is no resulting brain damage."

"That's good," Harry said relieved. "Is she awake?"

"Yes," the doctor said. "And I have better news too. Her memory has returned. The seizure brought her memory back."

Harry closed his eyes, feeling the relief go through him. "Are you sure?"

"Yes," the doctor said smiling.

"Can I see her?" Harry asked.

"Follow me," the doctor said leading Harry to her room. As soon as the doctor opened the door Harry sat by her bedside and the doctor disappeared. Ruth's eyes were open and she looked tired but she was smiling at him.

"Welcome back," Harry said holding her hand. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," she said.

"The doctor said your memory…"

"Yes," Ruth replied with a purely happy smile. "I can remember everything."

"Good," Harry said. "I'm relieved."

"You and me both," she said. "Sorry if I scared you this morning."

"Yes," Harry said quietly. "In the future, I'd appreciate it if you could keep breathing and wake up every morning rather than slip into unconsciousness."

"I'll do my best," Ruth said biting her lip anxiously. "There's one thing I can't quite remember though."

"What?" Harry asked as his heart plummeted.

"I can't quite remember how it felt when you kissed me," she said blushing slightly. Harry smiled, not waiting for a bigger hint. So he leant over her and made sure that she would never forget this feeling again.

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><p><em>I know it's a short one but I thought I'd put you out of your misery. Fluff coming up soon. Thanks for all the fab reviews!<br>_


	11. Chapter 11

_Thanks everyone for making me pass the 50 review mark! That makes me so happy. As promised here's the fluff. Enjoy!_

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><p>"For the last time, I am fine," Ruth said getting out of the taxi.<p>

"Well, forgive me if that doesn't fill me with confidence," Harry replied dryly. "The last time you told me you were fine, you slipped into unconsciousness and had to be rushed to hospital while I thought you were suffering irreparable brain damage."

"Hmm," she said quietly. "But I wasn't. And at the same time I recovered my memory and realised that I can't live without you." Harry looked at her as she slammed the car door shut. "And get that smug look off of your face."

"I'll try," he said with absolutely no effort at all, placing a hand on the small of her back as she opened her front door. From habit she switched the kettle on, getting the mugs out of her cupboard as Harry watched, glad that she now knew where everything was.

"What are you looking at?" Ruth asked without turning around, knowing he was watching her carefully.

"I'm looking at the evening sunlight shining through your hair," he said quietly, making a smile form on her features even though she wasn't facing him. "I was wondering if you'd be at all distracted if I did this," he said, pulling her close with his hands on her hips and kissing her neck slowly.

"Mm, I think "distracted" might cover it," Ruth said as she felt Harry move very gradually along her sensitive skin, his grip tightening around her waist. "Harry?"

"Hmm?" he murmured against her skin, not stopping what he was doing to her.

"I love you." Then Harry _did_ stop kissing her and he turned her around to face him, staring into her blue eyes which were sparkling with emotion.

"I love you too," he said before kissing her lips firmly. And repeatedly. Until she was actually having trouble breathing. She turned her head away from him because she thought she might pass out from lack of oxygen. Ruth suddenly found her face being cradled lovingly by Harry's hands, considering the serious possibility that she might be hallucinating.

"Thank you for looking after me," she said sincerely. "Even when I didn't remember who you were. Even when I didn't remember who I was."

"What else was I going to do?" he said quietly. "I'd look after you forever. If you'd let me," he added with a wry smile. Not waiting for her to reply he kissed her again, softer this time. A kiss full of tenderness, love and hope. When he stopped he was a little surprised by the look in her eyes. It was a look he'd never seen there before.

"I want to wake up next to you again," she said gently, fighting the blush that threatened to stain her cheeks. "This time I want to really appreciate it." Harry smiled and for the first time in his adult life, he wondered if dreams really did come true.

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><p>Harry did not sleep well that night. Every time he closed his eyes, he worried that Ruth would be still and cold when he woke up. He knew the doctors had told him there was no chance it would happen again but he still worried. Eventually he was too tired to stay awake any longer. Ruth's head had settled on his chest and he ran a hand through her hair, his fingertips ending up on her pulse point on her neck. He counted the beats of her heart and her steady rhythm reassured him enough to close his eyes and drift off to sleep.<p>

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><p>Due to Harry's restless night, Ruth woke up first. She was pleased to find her limbs completely tangled with Harry's in sleep. Ruth enjoyed the feeling of their closeness and touching bare skin for several minutes before she moved away from him slowly. She was relieved when he didn't wake up, wanting to simply look at him. To take as many minutes as she desired to study his face without interruptions. An opportunity she had been denied far too often in the past.<p>

When she had taken her fill she glanced at her bedside clock and groaned. It already read 8 am so they were going to have to get a move on if they were going to be on the grid by nine. She leant closer to him and kissed his lips softly. It only took a few seconds for her to feel him wake up and respond to her touch.

"What a lovely way to wake up," he murmured, his voice reverberating through her.

"We have to move soon," she said as she felt Harry's hands settle on the bare skin of her back.

"No," he said quietly, kissing her again. "I'm the boss and I say your sacked if you even think about appearing on the grid this morning." Ruth couldn't stop the laugh that escaped her.

"Fine, but people might notice if you're not there," she added rationally.

"Hmm, well I'll call Dimitri and tell him I'm going to be very late. And its none of his business why," he added as an afterthought.

"Okay," Ruth agreed, not wanting to argue with him. Not when she was so comfortable where she was. Especially when Harry's hands started to glide along her skin. "I never want to move," Ruth whispered, kissing his chest as she felt a hand go through her hair then smoothly caressed her back

"So don't," he said simply. Ruth smiled and settled herself comfortably and closed her eyes again. She wondered if it was possible to be any happier than she currently was. Somehow, she doubted it.

THE END

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><p><em>I hope you enjoyed the fluff and a last review would be wonderful. <em>

_(I love writing Harry and Ruth fan fictions but have currently run out of ideas. Any suggestions of things you'd like me to write about, message me and I'll see if I'm inspired and can include them.)_

_Thanks for reading!_


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